(November 17) Now that Hudson’s Tour De Minneapolis is finally over, it’s now time to get back to the weekly grind of work, food, drink, and a little sleep. Oh yeah, and bitching and moaning on the good ol’ KRRO.

I had a couple of ideas in mind for my return. In fact, I had one almost completely written in my head until I saw a story on KELO, and also heard my good buddy Cade bitching like a Hudson wannabe.

The story I’m talking about is obviously John Thune’s statement that Larry Diedrich would “make a good addition to the President’s cabinet as secretary of agriculture”.

I hope he’s kidding…but I doubt it. Thune has never shown a sense of humor in the past; why would he suddenly become a comedian?

Why in the world would President Bush nominate a dim bulb such as Diedrich? What are his qualifications. Oh yeah, he’s supposedly a farmer. I guess there are close to a million potential nominees if that’s the only requirement.

Wait, he was also a state legislature. That doesn’t mean much. In rural South Dakota, almost any white guy who runs as a Republican ends up in Pierre…and stays there for as long as he wants.

Most importantly, he doesn’t even fit Bush’s criteria for selecting cabinet members. For the most part, Bush’s main requirement for any post is that you either worked for a huge conglomerate or were their lawyer and/or lobbyist. The Secretary of the Interior, Gail Norton, previously worked as a lawyer for anti-environmental groups. The Secretary of Labor, Elaine Chao, sat on the boards of Dole Food, Northwest Airlines, Clorox, and health care companies C.R. Bard and Hospital Corporation of America. The Secretary of Transportation, Norman Mineta, came from Lockheed Martin. I could go on and on but unless Diedrich signs on to work for Tyson Foods or some other agriculture conglomerate, he’s not qualified for this administration.

And then there’s the simple fact that Diedrich is now a two time loser. Two losses in less than six months, to be exact. Larry, in South Dakota a Republican can lose once. Even Golden Boy Thune has a loss on his record. But you can’t lose twice, especially to a so-called liberal woman (although she’s really a Republican with a Democrat title). You couldn’t even win your home county.

Let’s not forget the last time our President selected a Congressional loser for an important job. Outgoing Attorney General John Ashcroft lost to a dead man, and ended up being one of the most powerful men in the country. Since then, we’ve seen the hideous (and misnamed) Patriot Act completely shred our Bill of Rights, and with a nod of his head the FCC has become a Nazi-ish group of witch hunters. We can’t repeat that mistake.

Larry, you silly little man, it’s over. Go back up to Elkton, and if the rumors are true take your little friend with you. Get back out in the fields for some real work and not an uncomfortable photo op for your next campaign. You did your best, but it wasn’t good enough. To quote the Golden Boy, t’s time…just not for you.

(November 10) I must admit that I’ve been in a rut in recent weeks. The reason is quite simple - it’s hard to be a bitter old man when you’re once again pretending that you’re 25 traveling back and forth to Minneapolis to see your favorite bands. Living in 3-star hotels yet getting little sleep but drinking and eating plenty is hardly conducive to gaining new enemies.

This morning I’m not actually kicking anybody out of town. Actually, my topic for the day has already kicked themselves out of Minneapolis…or have they? According to sources I encountered at the Paul Westerberg shows this past weekend, along with an article in Sunday’s Star-Tribune, there appears to be hope that one of the city’s great landmarks may have a future after all.

Of course, I’m talking about the legendary First Avenue, one of the nation’s greatest live music venues. This past weekend, my pal Traci and I made a pilgrimage to the famed building and took a handful of photos in front of our favorite stars. I’ve posted a few of these at http://scotthudson.blogspot.com.

(October 13) I don’t want to say I told you so...but I told you so. For weeks, no months, I’ve been stating to anyone who would listen that the fix was in with regards to the events center.

This handpicked task force, full of people with questionable credentials and obvious conflicts of interest, never cared whether we need an events center; never cared about the opinions of the citizens; and certainly never cared about the elements that would make such a venture a success.

Their so-called studies were flawed at best; nonsensical at worst. Much like President Bush’s trumped-up report to the U.N. before we invaded Iraq, these morons had a predetermined result and then hunted for facts to support it.

Before we get into all of this, though, I must reiterate my opinion that we do not need a 12,000 seat event center. There is absolutely no evidence that supports building such a facility. Sure, there’s all of these false hopes that building something will lead to more concerts. It’s B.S.

In today’s niche-oriented music industry, there’s very few artists that could realistically draw over 10,000 in Sioux Falls. We would still rarely see any of these acts, as their draw would still be proportionately larger in bigger cities. Tours are also not as long as they were twenty years ago. Outside of a well-timed, or “luckily-timed”, country or pop-rock package tour, this building would be way under-utilized when it comes to concerts.

And our sports teams certainly don’t need the extra seats. I’m shocked that they’re so in favor of this concept. Three thousand people at a Skyforce game at the Arena still looks relatively full; spreading these same three thousand people into 12,000 seats will make the game look like a WNBA game.

I know what you’re thinking. Cher’s close to selling out, and the Storm sold out their last game. Forget about all of the concerts that didn’t come close to selling out, or the average attendance of any of our sports teams. A restaurant doesn’t expand their seating the first time they have a full dining room. You don’t spend close to a hundred million because of one fluke show or special event.

Arguing the need for a stadium is not why I’m here, though. They’ve somehow already gone beyond that point. For the benefit of the argument, I’ll pretend that our city has suddenly turned into a live music mecca, with thousands of people spending all of their time and money on live music instead of DVD’s, video games, and Nascar memorabilia. I’ll live in a fantasy land where every band skips Minneapolis and Omaha to play in our arts-oriented city. We’re now the Liverpool of the Upper Midwest.

If we have to build such a facility, location is probably the most important aspect of the planning. Such a building has to be located at a place that’s easily accessible, has plenty of parking, and doesn’t disrupt the neighborhood too much.

Where in our city fits this criteria? Obviously, the complex that houses the Arena is an obvious choice. There’s enough parking to accommodate multiple events at the various existing facilities. I’ve had no trouble going to a Canaries game the same night that there’s an event at the Arena. There’s also two major four lane roads that surround the area, along with a newly constructed interstate entrance a mile away. There are plenty of bars and hotels in the area, and relatively few other businesses that would be burdened by late night activities.

If for some reason the Arena area is unusable, there’s still other areas that could house such a building. There’s the Fairgrounds, although there’s admittedly some access problems that shouldn’t be too hard to improve. You have available land near at least two different interstate loops. The east side of our city is also growing, and maybe we could actually get some public use out of the road upgrades that we put in to appease Wal-Mart. Hell, my plan would be to tear down the Empire Mall and locate it there. There’s plenty of parking and highway access.

Each of these options would make way too much sense. No, this deal was decided before a task force was even convened. The moment Phillips to the Falls became a real vision the powers that be had concluded that the centerpiece for the project would be downtown. As city insiders quickly and quietly nabbed up any available real estate in northern downtown, architects (including at least one of these new landowners) were already drawing up plans.

Last week’s announcement that downtown was their choice for an events center was nothing more than a formality. And it’s so wrong. There is nothing that suggests that this site will realistically work...outside of a pretty picture for Chamber of Commerce propaganda.

During their announcement, Linda Barker and her ilk attempted to claim that access would not be a problem. After all, it will be surrounded by 6th and 8th Streets. Have you ever tried to drive on these roads. Even during slow days, these two lane roads are a headache. Can you imagine the line of cars forced to wait for green lights at every block, let alone waiting to turn onto Minnesota or Cliff Avenues?

Then there’s the parking issue. The task force is sort of shady in regards to a parking ramp. It’s technically not included in the plans, but they have quietly admitted that it may be needed. Duh. They like to claim there’s already 4500 parking places downtown; a remark reminiscent of the lies we were told when the Washington Pavilion was in the planning stages. Suddenly, we spent a few million to acquire a piece of land and build a ramp.

If a ramp isn’t built, it will be quite humorous to see people who have trouble parking at Best Buy attempt to parallel park. I can already envision people blocking traffic while waiting for a parking space to open up hours before an event. I can also see two thousand Skyforce fans battling a blizzard to race for their cars parked blocks away.

I can also see existing downtown business owners complaining that there’s now no access to their business. Will a jewelry store owner appreciate a handful of cars carrying metalheads taking up their parking spots? If they can’t handle a pool hall serving liquor or bored young adults congregating downtown, what will be their reaction when thousands of pissed off Storm fans look to ease their frustrations?

Bottom line - downtown is ridiculous, and even a bafoon like Linda Barker should realize that. She likes to point to buildings in other cities, such as Omaha, Sioux City, and Minneapolis. But she always neglects to mention that in each of those cities, and in almost every city I’ve ever visited, there’s at least one, if not two, interstates within blocks. There’s also major streets surrounding the facility. Hell, in Omaha you can end up on the interstate even if you’re lost. The Mall of America didn’t choose Met Stadium just because of it’s size. The Target Center would not have been built if the city hadn’t rebuilt the highways surrounding it.

If this building is built, everything must be done correctly. We can’t let downtown pride get in the way of common sense. We must not allow the realtors make decisions that put their vested interests ahead of the needs of the city. It’s crucial that every limitation is investigated, discussed, and improvements implemented when there’s tens of millions of dollars at risk. Any half-assed decision could lead to a terminally empty building that will suck millions of dollars out of our budget every year. We definitely deserve better!

(October 5) This morning’s rant could quite possibly be a historical occurrence. Let me explain. I realize that every time I come in here around 50% of the listeners (or readers) think I’m 100% right on, and the other 50% think I’m full of cow dung. Hell, some weeks my approval rating is probably as low as 10%.

But that’s ok. My gig here is to make people think. I don’t expect, nor want, everybody to applaud when I’m finished babbling. What fun is that? I see myself more as a provocateur; an antagonizer. Ok, I probably come off as a bitter old masochist who’s pissed that the days of fine women, fine drink, and fine illicit chemicals are nothing but a memory.

I’m going off tangent here. My point is that today marks the first time that I expect nothing less than accolades after today’s bitchfest. It’s not because what I’m about to say reads off the page like beautiful poetry, or that I’ve discovered an Achilles heal of a target that nobody dares mention.

No, today I’m going to tear to shreds a company that’s as evil as Wal-Mart, as ruthless as Haliburton, and runs a monopoly that Clear Channel can only dream about.

Are you in suspense yet? Are you sitting at the end of your chair? Do you feel an urge to pull over so you can devote all of your attention to your car stereo? Relax. It’s not that hard-hitting.

I’m here today to give the boot to a company that everybody, and I mean everybody with the possible exception of their corporate executives, has a major beef with. That company is Ticketmaster.

I told you it was nothing ground-breaking. Yet after my experiences this past weekend, I’m boiling mad at these morons. As John Thune says in his wretched testimonial commercials, “it’s time”.

Now I must confess that at times the company has been good to me. Because I’ve been plugged into the online community since it first became available, I’ve been able to learn some of the secrets to obtaining great tickets. I’ve been in the first, second, third, and fifth rows at Rolling Stones stadium shows. Hell, I shook Mick Jagger’s hand and almost grabbed a guitar pick from Keith Richards. I’ve had similar luck with other shows not only in Sioux Falls and Minneapolis, but as far away as Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City. Hell, just a few weeks ago I snagged second row seats to see Wilco on October 26.

But that doesn’t mean that I have any praise for them. Just like an indie rock band sometimes has to use the major label system to get their music heard, my dealings with Ticketmaster occurs only because I have to deal with them. They’re the only game in town. Pearl Jam certainly found that out a few years ago.

Back to my experiences last week. The week began with me making a last second decision to go after tickets to see the October 21 benefit for Soul Asylum’s Karl Mueller, featuring not only Soul Asylum but Bob Mould, the Gear Daddies, members of the Jayhawks, and Paul Westerberg, aka God.

Days later came the news that Westerberg would be playing on November 5, with a second show also rumored for November 6. The day before they went on sale, Ticketmaster finally updated their site with info. Here’s where the misery begins. As with plenty of other shows, there was an internet-only presale earlier in the day. In this case, the presale was set for 6 am. Yes, 6 am. Not only that, but you’d have to go to the website of a Minneapolis radio station, Drive 105, to get a password that would let you buy tickets.

Having dealt with radio promotions before, I figured the only cog in this design would be the radio station website. I could see them lollygagging, promoting it on the air for awhile before getting around to announcing it. And then another delay in posting the info on their website.

I set my alarm for 5:30. I hit the snooze once, and prepared a cup of coffee before settling down at my computer. Much to my surprise, Drive 105 posted the password at exactly six. Unfortunately, Ticketmaster wasn’t ready. For the next 45 minutes, I sat there hitting reload. Needing to get ready for work, I had to risk leaving my computer for a few minutes at a time. I shaved in the living room. I turned my second computer on in my bedroom, and made checks before and after showering, dressing, and combing my hair. I sat for another few minutes before leaving my home at 7:15.

Of course, I had to hit Black Sheep Coffee, and I convinced my good buddy Corey to let me use their office computer. Still no tickets. I got up to put cream in my coffee, and during that thirty second interval they finally opened their sale. I quickly entered my order, only to find out that the bastards were already out of presale tickets. Dejected, I sat with my buddy Deonna until I had to go to work.

But the story doesn’t end there. Checking out Westerberg’s message board, I discovered that tickets were suddenly available again! Balcony seats was the best available. But I also had some good news. I had posted on the board that I had to leave the Ticketmaster site, so I’d be extremely grateful for anybody to grab me a seat. A (hopefully) lovely young woman from Mankato managed a pair of front row seats, so there is a happy ending.

Out of curiosity, I decided to go back to Ticketmaster at noon for the regular sale. Generally, presales are tickets that are specifically set aside, so I hoped to nab my own pair of front row (or close to front row) seats on my own. No such luck...the presale had supposedly sold out the entire show.

I wandered back to work, and history repeated itself. With no warning, they put on sale tickets for a second show. By the time I was back online, the best I could obtain was back in the 18th row.

Sure, I’m excited to have tickets for both shows...especially the front row seat for the first show. But what a clusterfuck! And it’s continuing, as I hear reports that really good seats were once again available last night.

Ticket availability isn’t the major beef that people have with this company, however. There’s the piling on of fees that I hear about the most. My run of Westerberg, Wilco, Rock For Karl, and the Pixies are no exceptions. With “convenience fees” and other charges, even the cheapest shows ultimately end up being costly. What convenience did I experience by getting up at 5:30 for tickets that weren’t available until 8? What extra costs does this company experience when not a single human being was involved with my purchase? It’s just a scam for the promoters, venues, and Ticketmaster to swindle us out of every possible penny.

Why do people put up with this crap? I remember back in the 80’s when people would scream bloody murder at us poor record store clerks over a twenty-five cent charge? We didn’t even do it with a profit in mind. It was pure bookkeeping...to protect us to ensure that we didn’t have to dip into the till when the promoter came collecting his money. Any surplus was more than made up by the time spent answering on the phone answering stupid questions.

Can we stop these swine? I hate to say this but probably not. Like all of the other giant corporations, from the already mentioned Clear Channel and Wal-Mart to the three remaining major labels to the other handful of companies that control our lives, they just have too much power, and we have a government that has no interest in breaking the system. This is not a Republican or Democrat problem. They both love their kickbacks and other favors. I guess while they all live the high life, we’ll continue to bend over and take it up the backside...and I have a feeling it’s going to feel worse before it feels better.



(September 29) While there’s many things that I detest about political campaigns, it’s the invasion of privacy that bothers me the most. When I’m home, I don’t want to be bothered. I don’t want a mailbox full of junk mail; I don’t want telemarketing calls; I don’t want people dropping by unless they’re my friends...or a booty call from a beautiful babe. My home is my castle.

Over the past couple of weeks, however, I’m been bombarded by people and organizations wasting my time. Every day I receive a handful of political junk mail; some sort of truthful but most of them hateful lies. Every night I have to endure so-called “surveys” designed more to put the fear of God in my head then any desire to compile opinions and other data.

Worst of all, I have to endure people coming to my front door. Besides the fact that I have an extremely rambunctious dog that goes nuts when he sees anybody within a half block of my front door, I’m generally doing important tasks around my house such as taking a dump, taking a nap, watching Married With Children and Cheaters reruns, checking out my myspace.com site, or watching the latest Jenna Jameson movie.

I don’t need to have this important personal time interrupted with morons asking me if they can put a political sign in my yard. I won’t put any sign in my yard. It’s not that I’m obsessed with having a perfect lawn; trust me, if you saw my front yard you would know that it’s far from perfect. I just don’t see anything positive coming out of advertising my personal political faves. Is the fact that I have a sign in my yard going to influence my neighbors or other passerbys? Hell no. The only thing that could possibly come out of a Thune or Daschle sign is an argument or two. Being that I’m already the neighborhood freak show, I don’t need that headache.

It’s not just people looking to put up signs that are wandering the streets, though. There’s been a handful of people showing up wanting to beg for my vote. I’m all for meeting candidates and talking about the issues. But I want some control when that occurs. If I want to chat with somebody, I’ll go to one of the many functions that every political candidate hosts.

With all that said, it’s now time to give somebody the boot. This person will remain nameless, as he’s an attorney, and the last thing I need is a lawsuit. But this person is running for the legislature, and his signs are starting to pop up in my part of town. The other day, I arrived at my home to find some of his literature propped in my front door. Thank God I wasn’t home when he stopped by.

I did take the time to read his literature, though, and while he didn’t seem to be the sort of person who would ever get my vote, I have to say that his pamphlet was relatively professional. At least until I got to the last page. On this page, this candidate presented a list of “important Sioux Falls phone numbers”. While some of these contacts were possibly helpful, I was troubled by quite a few items. Included in the list were contacts to complain about sidewalk snow removal, lawn mowing issues, and other code violations. It was a narc list! Holy Patriot Act! That’s a great way to become friends with your neighbors!

Of all the things that this person could highlight, why would a narc list rate so high? Granted, I don’t want to live next to somebody whose habits could possibly lower the value of my home, but calling the city should be a last resort. If I had such a problem, I would start by chatting with the person in question. Hell, I’d probably even offer to help him out if there was some problem. For example, if I had an elderly neighbor who had trouble shoveling his sidewalk, I’d probably do it for him. That’s how neighbors fix problems - they co-operate; they don’t call in anonymous tips.

I realize that this is probably a minor bitch, but it does reflect what’s going on in our society these days. We’ve become a nation of spineless, self-centered weasels who have no desire to think for themselves. We’re a nation that doesn’t expect anything out of not only our media, but our nation’s leaders. We’ll tune in and watch these self-appointed experts scream cliches and insults. We’ll ignore real issues in favor of catch phrases about flip-flopping (hey, every candidate does it at some point), Vietnam, and South Dakota values. The question I have is when did either of the major parties earn a copyright on the word “values”?

I’m not here to say which party is a better party. Over the years, I have voted for probably just as many Democrats as Republicans. My vote goes to the best person running for the open position. What’s saddens me in this year’s campaign, as well as the last couple, is just how divisive and close-minded we have become. People believe that their party of choice can do no wrong, and the other side is nothing more than Satan’s best friend.

Neither party has all the answers, and this sort of behavior does nothing to make our country a better and stronger place. Too much time is spent debating issues that garner headlines but makes no impact on you and me, and too many bills are introduced only for use in future political ads. Little time is given to issues that actually could improve our way of life.

In almost all of this year’s major races, I’m technically in the category of “undecided”. I’m also the type of person whose vote may be decided on who has pissed me off the least. Most importantly, I’m also the sort of person who will not do business with anybody who annoys me. I boycotted Fritos last year when Jeff Gordon was on their packaging; I’m currently boycotting McDonald’s until they get rid of that fake white boy rap commercial.Obviously, if I’m bothered enough by a campaign, whether it be Democrat or Republican, that person will probably not win my vote this year. It’s sad to actually base a vote on a commercial, but it’s also time to tell all of these morons that we deserve, no demand, something better than what we’ve seen in recent years.



(September 22) There have been a couple of times over the years that I’ve come in here with a zingy intro proclaiming how the day’s rant had been conceived in a Hunter S. Thompson-esque orgy of Wild Turkey and various pharmaceuticals.

I must come clean. With the exception of Windsor/Coke or two, I’ve usually been stone cold sober when I attempt to conjure up some wit and wisdom…which is quite often in short supply.

This week, however, I must acknowledge that I have a good excuse if this babbling goes off into some weird tangent. Yesterday I had a tooth removed, and was prescribed some great codeine-laced Tylenol to deal with the pain. Yee Hah!

On to the main feature – this past Sunday evening I settled down on my couch hoping to watch some NFL. Unfortunately, what ESPN had on their plate was certainly not NFL-quality football. It was the Bengals versus the Dolphins – possibly the worst matchup one could ever endure.

With hours between first downs, let alone scores, I changed to the Emmys. God, that was almost as bad. Somebody please explain to me how the woman from the West Wing could beat Edie Falco from the Sopranos. Or James Spader winning from the awful show, the Practice. Or why Sarah Jessica Parker even exists. And somebody please explain why they can waste so much time with people coming on stage just to introduce people to present the presenters yet the winners only get a few seconds before they’re hustled offstage.

Watching what I could endure of this show (and thank god for wins for the Daily Show and Arrested Development), I decided that maybe this would be the perfect week to give the boot to television programming that just shouldn’t exist. For the most part, I’m not going to be very specific, because there really aren’t individual shows anymore. One network announces an idea, and then the other networks create their own version. Or a show becomes successful and they just clone it for multiple nights. So here are some people and programs that need to go away.

1, Unfunny sitcoms that feature a really hot woman married to a fat tub of goo. I’m still in love with Jamie Gertz, and there’s no way she’d be married to that fat boy that can’t hide his British accent. The same with the rest of the CBS comedy lineup. None of these shows, and I’ll include Raymond and the Charlie Sheen movie in this category, are remotely funny.

2. This is not a new category, but I’ll have to bring it up once again. I will never watch dating shows where the guy says he never expected anything like this when the journey began, and the woman tears up and says she’s actually falling in love, and there’s a declaration of commitment at the end, followed by the inevitable post-taping breakup that occurs when the two actually have to spend time together. Dating shows are supposed to consist of silly, stupid young adults wearing next to nothing while insulting their competitors as white trash or slutty.

3. I’ll never watch any show where anything, anybody, or any pet gets a makeover. I don’t care if you’re a gay guy, a cosmetic surgeon, or a home-improvement expert, I don’t need to hear your expertise. It’s gone too far. Go away.

4. Wife swapping shows. While it sounds like a great show, they’re not referring to sex. A heavyweight mother of a poor family is swapped with a heavyweight mother of a not-so-poor family. Hijinks ensue when the kids hate their new mom! It’s even better when the switch is multi-racial. Please end this misery now.

5. Along those same lines are these ridiculous house building shows. It was bad enough two years ago when the Discovery channel was hijacked from a place to watch interesting documentaries to nothing but home makeover shows. Now they’ve taken this idea to the extreme by completely demolishing houses on not one, but two networks. Always accompanied by a sob story or some other goofy twist (like the goth family I saw on the commercial the other day), it’s always inevitable that the building doesn’t go as planned but just happens to work out and the family starts screaming and crying and spazzing. They really only need to film one of these, and then just use computers to put new people or faces into the shots.

With the silly shows out of the way, it’s now time for me to really vent. There’s one person who’s been on the tube for years and years, and recently signed a contract to keep herself on the air for another few years. She’s beloved by millions of middle-class white women who don’t know any better. She’ll chat in a fake southern accent one day when some country twit is appearing on the show, and the next day she’s a pure homegirl who seemed to have just left the hood.

Most of the time, however, she’s the most whitebred black woman in history. And also the most arrogant, most self-centered, egotistical bitch in television history. Yes, I’m talking about Oprah, AKA Satan.

Why bring her up once gain this week? She’s in the news again, taking credit for a publicity stunt that did not cost her a cent. A publicity stunt that was actually nothing more than a disguised infomercial.

The word came a few weeks ago that the season premiere of Oprah would be something special. The tabloids were a buzzing. Would she be announcing her retirement? Would she finally marry that dude that never talks? Would she come out of the closet and announce her love for that friend that had her own show for about three weeks?

None of the above. Instead, viewers got to hear how great this new Pontiac vehicle is, and then were forced to hear Oprah scream, “you win a car. You win a car. You win a car.” Over and over and over. And just like when she gives out twenty dollar tool sets, the audience were screaming and dancing like they were approaching the orgasms of their lives.

Let me point out one more time that Oprah, or Oprah’s show, did not give away a single vehicle. Even though her audience shrieked their thanks over and over, Winfrey didn’t personally give anything away any more than Julie Chen handed a check to that retarded Cowboy last night on Big Brother.

But it’s typical of Oprah. It’s all about her.

But there’s one more twist to the Pontiac story. When the episode aired, there was a lot of press that Pontiac was taking care of all of the taxes and expenses. News story after news story mentioned that the only costs that the audience had to worry about was the insurance.

Well, that’s not quite true. Every audience member left the show with a 1099 form in the amount of around $28,000. This is added to their taxable income for the year, meaning that the tax bill for most people would go up around four to six thousand bucks.

Not that it’s still not a great deal. But let’s have a little truth in advertising here. Don’t take credit for items you didn’t give away, and don’t make claims that aren’t true. What is true for Dan Rather should also be true for Oprah.



(September 15) It was just over a year ago that I spent almost a full month complaining about the bastards that run this city. Set to action by a handful of business leaders, they ran to the media and their government offices to paint a picture of a downtown gone crazy. Judging by their stories, if a video crew was present, they could start a series called “Clems Gone Wild”. It was a modern day Sodom and Gemorrah – public urination, rape, pedophilia. And, worse of all, hundreds of people standing around doing absolutely nothing.

Once the local media received their orders on how to cover the story, interviewing little old ladies too scared to come downtown and employees cleaning up broken glass, the city put together a series of laws to teach these monsters a lesson. It was now illegal to gather in groups, or to drive without a destination. It’s now a crime to be young and bored. I’m old, and I still regularly break that law. Hell, every day and night.

The only good that came out of this Orwell-ian exercise is that a number of downtown businesses made an effort to become nighttime destinations. A handful of bars and restaurants even set out tables and chairs, allowing customers to actually enjoy the cool summer breeze.

Those who have lived in Sioux Falls for a lengthy time should have forseen what has happened in the last couple of weeks. God knows we can’t let people have a good time…especially those without receding hairlines or bad 70’s fashion.

Yes, as predicted on this show last year, the decline of youthful civilization didn’t diminish the broken glass or yellow spots on the sidewalk. Maybe it wasn’t those bastard kids after all! Is it possible that the prim and proper of this city may have had an extra cocktail or two with their entrees at Minerva’s, or that the homeless people who have nowhere to go after dark may not exhibit the best behavior?

Of course not. The city is once again blaming the kids; turning a usually simple process of an established business applying for a liquor license into class warfare. There’s a little business downtown that features a game beloved by people of all ages and social class. I’ve been told that it’s divided into two sections; one serves beer and you must be 21 to hang out. The other area is for non-drinkers of all ages. This mixture may seem shocking to some fuddy-duddies, but it’s actually far stricter than the policies at the local bowling alleys.

Obviously, we can’t have a downtown business that caters to people under 25, let alone 21. A few weeks ago, this pool hall applied for a liquor license. If one is to treat this issue fairly, then it should have been the same formality that occurs whenever a bowling alley or restaurant fills out this same application.

Should have been a formality, but not in Sioux Falls! Once again, these same business owners made a rare nighttime appearance, showing up at the City Council meeting with the same complaints that were supposed to be eradicated with the expulsion of the Loopers. Little old ladies are still afraid to come out in the daytime; a tale that still makes no sense since these businesses are closed when the kids are carrying their pool cues. There are still little puddles that now have magical arrows pointing to the pool hall. God knows that patrons of the cigar bar wouldn’t be pissing in front of Zandbroz, their next door neighbor.

Sure, the police have their supposed proof in the form of police calls. But think about that a second – there are only two businesses on that block that are open past sunset. Any police call is going to be attributed to these locations, even if they have nothing to do with it. From my understanding, there has been no problems with underage drinking, which is the only real concern that this city should have. Police calls are going to happen with any business, including high-falutin’ joints like Minerva’s. Trust me, there have been calls to that spot.

With Phillips to the Fall near completion, this city has to quickly make some important decisions; decisions that will determine whether downtown Sioux Falls is a cool destination or just another tacky South Dakota tourist trap. I would love to see a thriving, multi-block combination of cool bars, restaurants, and shops. It’s my dream to walk down the street and decide which bar I want to enter based on the music that’s flowing out onto the street. But the pessimistic side of me (and most people I chat with) know that the city is going to screw this up and allow only the safest, most boring enterprises, owned primarily by the same handful of city-approved, middle-aged fat bastards who haven’t had an original idea since Nixon was President.

The city would love for the citizenry, particularly those who venture downtown, to return to the era of Leave it to Beaver. There’s Ward Cleaver, sweating profusely in his three-piece suit, hand-in-hand with June Cleaver, who’s sporting the latest in embroidered sweatshirts tied around her waist. Walking two steps behind them is Wally and the Beav, fresh from the barber shop where they received their weekly crewcut and sever beating. They start at the bead shop, picking out items for the Beav’s junior high project, and then head down to the fake Irish store for an “I (Heart) the Irish” bumper sticker, before climaxing at the jewelry store where Ward rewards June with a stunning pearl necklace (no, I don’t mean that kind of pearl necklace).

God knows, we can’t have young people running wildly in the streets without parental supervision. We certainly can’t have crazy haircuts, skin-baring clothing, or loud rock ‘n’ roll. After all, there may be some senior citizens from Wanker County visiting our fine city.

I hate to say this, Mayor Munson and your fantasy camp dreamers, but reality is closer to Married With Children than Father Knows Best. To ensure a successful downtown, you have to cater to people of varying backgrounds, incomes, and social status. The Top Hat, like the original Crow Bar twenty years ago, proves that the cleanest franchise bar is not always the place where hipsters want to hang. And business leaders have to realize that there are always headaches when you’re situated in high volume areas. If you’re not willing to cope with these situations, there are a ton of generic mini-malls with plenty of vacancies perfectly suited for your lame ten-to-five nick-nack store.



(September 8) Today is one of those rare mornings where I have my own disclaimer. The people that I’m about to talk about delve in an activity that’s very sensitive to criticism. My intention today is not really to give them a boot in the behind. It’s more like constructive criticism.

The reason for this self-restraint is that I’m going to talk about religion, and supposedly religious people. Before anybody contemplates sending me hate mail, or worse, please recognize that I’m not painting a whole group with a giant brush. I have a ton of respect for people with great faith; people that truly follow the Good Book.

I’m also not condemning the people behind the Lifelight festivities. I also have a lot of respect for those fine folks. I’m personally not a fan of Christian rock, or Christian punk, or that extremely strange genre called Christian metal. It’s just not my cup of tea, but if it works for you than it works for me.

As most people realize, my family owns a business that’s walking distance from the Fairgrounds, the site of the Lifelight concerts. In the past, we’ve had few problems during the weekend of the festivities.

This past Friday, I gained a sense that this year could be a little different. I received a phone call from my store manager, who had received a visit from the local police. According to her, the city was expecting a crowd beyond the capacity of the Fairgrounds. Because of this, there were plans to shut down Lyons Blvd., the street that not only is the main artery into the Fairgrounds but also the only entrance to our business.

Obviously concerned, I shot off some emails to the mayor and various members of the City Council. Despite my criticism of the Mayor, his office was on top of this issue. Within 45 minutes, I received a phone call from not only another city official but the member of the police department who was in charge of policing the event.

I was assured that Lyons would be closed only as a last-ditch effort, and that the actual closing of the road would begin past our property. While this explanation didn’t take into account the fact that the turn lanes onto Lyons would be blocked off by cones, at least we’d still be able to remain open.

As I thought about this situation later that day, however, I began to question how this could possibly happen. The Fairgrounds has a ton of parking lots, and no other event had resulted in a full house. And the Lifelight people had made arrangements with the neighboring open field and the vocational school on the other side of the interstate. Plus, they had camping facilities on the northern end of the site. How could there possibly be an overflow?

Then I remembered the news coverage the previous evening. One of the more impressive aspects of Lifelight was the presence of ten stages. Just where were they going to fit all of these stages?

I think you know the answer. Most of the paved Fairgrounds parking were turned into concert grounds. Please tell me how wise it is to turn parking lots into stages when you’re expecting a record-setting attendance? Next year, I think it’s imperative for the city to not allow this to happen.

At the very least, there should have been some public notice that parking was going to be limited. But with all the free press they received on television and in the newspaper, there was nothing of this sort noted, at least from what I read, hear, or saw.

Because of these problems and despite the fact that the numbers, although impressive, didn’t quite hit the expectations, traffic was backed up most of the weekend. And where did some of these people attempt to leave their vehicles? Our parking lot.

It’s circumstances such as this that makes us sometimes wish we weren’t situated so close to the Fairgrounds. Sometimes we’re forced to tow a few vehicles. We don’t want to, and we take every precaution possible to inform the public that our lot is private property. There are signs all over the parking lot, including one that we place in the middle of the entrance. We also have additional signs on our doors, thanking people for their patronage but reminding them that they can’t leave their vehicles behind. We wait a minimum of two hours before calling in the tow trucks, and if any employee sees somebody heading toward the Fairgrounds, we remind them that they must move their cars.

Inevitably, however, a few vehicles were left in our lot; many of them right under the very signs I just described. This is where I’m shocked at the behavior of many people. While I can understand the anger on discovering that your vehicle has been towed, I’m shocked at the actions of a few concert-goers. My employees were screamed at; they were even physically threatened by a few people. Many were screaming profanities. One person lied and said that they had paid the manager for a spot in the lot. Another person got so out of control that we had to contact the police. These are Christian music fans?

As I said earlier, we don’t want to have vehicles towed. But we do have a business to run, and that’s impossible if our lot is full of non-customers. The situation could have been avoided, though, with better planning by the concert organizers. Parking lots should be used for parking, and alternative methods for admittance should be a high priority for those handling publicity. Look at the Jazzfest, and how much energy is put in to letting people know that local high schools and hotels are donating parking. My main reason for chatting about these issues today is not for my own, or my family’s, personal benefit (I’m sure they’d rather that I shut up). Rather, my hope is that somebody from the Lifelight organization is listening today, and they implement some changes to ensure that next year they have an even bigger and better festival. Now I will go pray that my home will not be fire-bombed.



(September 1) You know, I really suffer for my art. Ok, what I do here is certainly not art. But I definitely suffer.

I read books and magazines that aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on. I listen to music from people that should have never set foot out of their garage. I watch tv shows and movies that are the most ill-conceived piles of garbage ever put together. And I also watch those idiots at KELO.

I don’t think I ever suffered, however, as I suffered this past Sunday evening. Yes, I gave up over four hours of my life to MTV’s Video Music Awards, and I want them back. Well, truthfully, I have no life so I guess it’s no big deal. But I’m still pissed!

It wasn’t that long ago that I actually looked forward to this show. You could always count on some funny moments, an award or two that actually made sense, and a little bit of good music.

Yes, those fine moments were surrounded by garbage, but you actually had a highlight or two to look forward to. And that’s the key mistake that MTV has made in the past couple of years. Where there once were equal moments devoted to rock, alternative, metal, punk, dance, rap, and r&b, there is now one godawful sound that you hear for 99% of the show, and rock and roll is relegated to that remaining 1%.

In fact, rock is treated like that drunk uncle that nobody wants to be around but you’re obligated to invite for the holidays. You stay away from him as much as you can, but you treat him as polite as possible.

As was the case last year, the entire rock portion of the show was cordoned off into one short segment in the middle of the show. Jet, Hoobastank, and Yellowcard were each given a minute or so to perform their one big hit. Hoobastank completely dropped the ball, as their lead singer strained to come within an octave of the actual key. I can just hear that whore Paula Abdul complain, "you were a little pitch-y".

But nobody came off well in that segment. Last year’s garage rock mini-fest worked because all of the great garage tunes are only a couple of minutes long to begin with. Truncating a four minute pop song to ninety seconds is like watching a Showtime soft-core porn. The nudity is nice, but you keep wanting to see more.

I’m jumping ahead of myself a bit, though. I must start at the beginning, with the dreaded pre-show broadcast. Again, in the old days this show was semi-worthwhile. Tabitha Sorum would wander around the trailers that were used as dressing rooms, and the interviews had a bit of substance. Occasionally, you’d even see a little controversy, like the time Axl Rose and Kurt Cobain had a few words.

These days, it’s no different than any other awards shows. In fact, it’s even worse. Since it was in Miami this year, they came up with this great idea of having everybody arrive by boat. As they made their red carpet run, they were asked the same inane questions that was asked of everybody else. "Who are you excited to see perform?" "Who’s going to take away the most moon men?" Everybody, from the hardened hip-hoppers with prison records to the bubblegum jailbait actress/model/singer, has the same answer. "I’m excited for all of them" and other similar generic answers.

Those were the most intelligent things they said. Otherwise, they all babbled about how "crazy", "hot", or "off the hook" the show was going to be. MTV’s hosts weren’t any better. I don’t know who was worse – John Norris, Suchin Park, or Sway. Poor Kurt Loder – he seemed so out of place. At least it’s nice to see they let him out of the old folk’s home once in awhile.

Who were the worst offenders? Well, it’s easy to write off the obvious – Ashlee Simpson, the Duff girls (the only Duff I care about is Duff beer), Paris Hilton, that would-be stud from some black boy-band that I’ve never heard about. And there’s also the self-proclaimed moguls who have never exhibited any talent – yes, I’m talking about you, Mr. Diddy. (Note to his new butt buddy, Bruce Willis. Nobody in your age group and with your lack of hair should be attempting to dance to "Lean Back". That was easily the funniest moment of the evening.

The award for the most shameless, most offensive has-been of the evening has to go to LL Cool J. Accompanied by some bimbos wearing t-shirts with television screens attached to their chest, LL wouldn’t talk about anything except the awful album he has coming out this week. While I will admit that there’s a track or two of his that I don’t mind, those songs were years ago. For close to a decade you’ve released albums that have disappeared to the cutout bins within weeks. Face the facts, you’re now the hip-hop version of Styx. Maybe it’s time for you to join the county fair circuit.

Moving on to the show, it was evident right away that this was going to be a long night. First you had the return of J-Ho. Thankfully, she didn’t lip-sync – she was just there to introduce the insufferable Usher. I realize that he’s extremely popular right now – I just can’t figure out why. All he does is pose, and his ego is so huge that Mr. Diddy seems humble in comparison. When he won an award a few minutes later, I thought they’d never get him off the stage.

Usher’s medley set the stage for the rest of the evening. It seemed like every musical segment featured at least a couple of a half-dozen of the same people. The Ying Yang Twins, Fat Joe, Lil’ Jon – they wouldn’t relinquish the stage. Each song sounded exactly the same – a catchphrase repeated over and over with some booty-enhanced bimbos shaking their stuff behind them. No, I’m not a fan of the crunk. Crunk is junk, and as Lewis Black would say, it made me want to take a sharpened pencil and stick it right in my eye.

This is not to say that there weren’t some talented people present at the show. I appreciate Kanye West, although Chaka Khan didn’t help him out by caterwauling offkey. Jay-Z’s "99 Problems" was the hardest rocking tune of the evening, although he didn’t perform it live and it is kind of scary that he rocks more than the winners of the rock awards. And it’s well-documented that I’m a fan of Outkast, although it may be time to retire "Hey Ya".

All three of those highlights don’t stray far from format of the evening, however, so let’s get back to the overall problem. MTV used to react to what was popular in all circles. They may have been ahead of the game a bit, but they catered to a large, diverse group of music fans. These days, they are in the back pockets of the four major labels, providing us with only the handful of songs and acts that they have deemed worthy of attention. In my eyes, this is why record sales have declined in recent years.

Rock isn’t dead…far from it. There are a ton of acts releasing great albums, and surprising the industry with their grass roots appeal. Who would have ever thought that Modest Mouse would go gold, or that Wilco would debut in the top 10? Or that acts such as Franz Ferdinand, the Killers, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs would crossover into the mainstream? Or that Saddle Creek Records, a small label out of Omaha, would become the hippest label in the country with artists such as Cursive and Bright Eyes? All of these acts, along with a good percentage of the acts that are in this station’s current rotation, would be a welcome relief to "Lean Back", "Yeah", and whatever the hell that Haguilera/Nelly tune was. Hell, I’m not a fan of the Polyphonic Spree, but they were a refreshing surprise…although 20 hippies in colorful robes is beyond scary.

Will MTV’s awards show ever reclaim the coolness factor? Probably not, especially as long as they cater to the Nickleodeon or Entertainment Tonight crowd. It would be easy to accomplish – get rid of the created acts and the hired crowd, ban the words "y’all" and "what’s up", and concentrate more on the song and the performer than on the extravagant sets and unnecessary dancers. Oh yeah, and please tell Target to get rid of Sarah Jessica Parker and Lenny Kravitz.



(August 25) I have a confession to make – I struggled to come up with a suitable victim for this week. It’s not that I didn’t have any candidates. There’s always plenty of people and topics for me to bitch about.

I gave some serious thought about giving the boot to KELO’s new general manager, Gwen Kinsey. Sort of a preemptive strike, I guess. And while I’m sure that she’ll be a victim in the next few weeks, for now I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt.

And while I was lighting incense and meditating about the direction I should go this morning, this year’s version of Big Brother came on. Never a huge fan of the show, at least in previous seasons there have been some babes to ogle.

Not this year. Seriously, this is a scary group of people. One guy who calls himself Cowboy just has to be an inbred. Even Nascar fans are better educated than this moron. His big story is that he met his half-sister in the Big Brother house, and she’s quite the treat. But neither of these twits are as bad as this group of twins who think they’re literally God’s gift to our world. I did some research and I guess last week they put up for eviction the token gay guy and the token black dude because Jesus told them to. Okay.

What’s worse is that there aren’t the biggest idiots that have been on this show. There was a blonde chick who made Jessica Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner, and a couple of steroid fanatics who called their posse the “Four Horseman”. There’s only one Four Horseman, and they ruled the wrestling world over a decade ago.

Again, this was too easy of a target, as is the overplayed pseudo-documentaries that MTV airs about those wacky Video Music Awards, or as they say over and over, the VMA’s. Or I could have gone after the “you’re fired” anti-Daschle ads that must have had a smaller budget than one of Nick Simon’s three minute masterpieces.

No, I must attack an American…no, international institution. Yes, I’m kicking out the Olympics, or at least NBC’s coverage of these events. I used to be a huge fan, especially when I was a kid. I’d watch as many events as possible; I watched all of the documentaries and read the history books. I remember Mark Spitz winning seven golds; I remember where I was when the Israelis were kidnapped and assassinated. I screamed at my television when we were screwed over in that infamous basketball game, and cheered with everybody else when our hockey team surprised the world. I was bummed when our country boycotted the 1980 festivities, and also when our arch rival, the USSR, bailed on us in 1984.

Now I have absolutely no interest. I don’t watch it on tv; I don’t read the articles in the paper. My whole knowledge of this year’s model is based on Pardon the Interruption and the little bit of ESPN radio that I can handle. I’m still happy when we do well, but I’m just not allowing it to enter my psyche.

I blame NBC’s broadcasts. Years ago, the Olympics were presented like any other sporting event. They showed the competition, and their announcers described the action. A few years ago, however, NBC’s entertainment division took over, and it’s now packaged like a very special episode of Law and Order. Or that awful family show set in the early 60’s.

For every minute of sports footage there’s seemingly hours of touchy-feely crap reminiscent of Stu Whitney’s overblown, overlong Skyforce profiles. I really don’t care that our bow and arrow participant was born to a family of baboons, walked 20 miles to practice every day, and loves to listen to classical music while she shoots. I don’t care about the diver who survived an addiction to crack and a mother who was in jail for prostitution. I don’t care about the rolly-polly gymnast whose father sold his collection of Star Trek memorabilia to hire the ex-con coach who died of a heroin overdose.

While we’re on the subject, let’s talk about gymnastics a bit. Don’t you feel a little dirty watching these events? Here’s these pre-teen bowling balls rolling around on the mats wearing tiny costumes that they’re constantly pulling out of their ass. The one time I did tune in this girl who won her event jumped onto her coach, who hugged her in a straddle position for a good five minutes. I thought I was watching Barely Legal #47.

I don’t even want to go into men’s gymnastics. That’s just gross. Yet it’s on night after night after night. It’s the summer games’ version of figure skating, broadcast only to rope in female viewers. It’s the Will and Grace of the summer games.

And then there’s all of these events that nobody could possibly care about. Besides the revealing uniforms, is there anything more unwatchable than beach volleyball? Synchronized diving? Archery? Badminton? Sailing? Tug of War? And what the hell is Basque Pelota?

I’ll concede that there has been some excitement…or at least that’s what I’ve been told. The 100 meter dash was reportedly one of the greatest races ever, and our softball team, led by the extremely hot blonde chick, has been untouchable. Yet even these high points have been ruined by the NBC hype machine. Michael Phelps had one of the greatest Olympics of all time, but it’s now viewed as a disappointment thanks to the weeks of hyping the possibility of eight gold medals.

There was a time that I was a Bob Costas fan. He was both knowledgeable and passionate, and not afraid to ask the tough questions. Now he’s just a paid spokesperson, as is most of his colleagues, particularly the insufferable Katie Couric. No commentator dares utter a negative comment, nor do they even try to be objective. It’s all rah, rah, rah.

It could be worse, I guess. Fox could have snagged the rights, and God knows what they would have done. Every graphic would have a sound effect; the empty stands would be digitally altered to show not only more people but beer ads. Or maybe the attendance would have been greater, as they would have shipped in the stars of all of their shows for “spontaneous” sightings and interviews. I know I’ve always wondered what the stars of the “O.C” think about archery. Actually…no, even my fantasies have their limits.

(August 18) I have a little mini-rant before I actually get to the task of giving somebody the boot. This past Sunday evening, I received a phone call from a good friend. He had been watching golf earlier that day, and I guess it was one of the year’s major tournaments (I don’t like golf so I would have no clue). He told me that towards the end of the broadcasts, one of the contestants was lining up a shot that would win the game. He was making his practice swings, and just as he pulled the club back to actually attempt his putt, KELO interrupted the game for a weather alert for Valentine, Nebraska. That’s right, Valentine, Nebraska...an area that really is a stretch for KELO to call part of their viewing area.

The best part, though, is that they had technical problems for at least ten seconds, long enough that they could have actually shown the putt. I’m not going to say that bad weather should play second fiddle to programming, but if there is something important going on it should only be interrupted for truly imminent occurrences. A couple of dark clouds isn’t enough; a crawl screen would be plenty.

The next day, I happened to run into one of the few KELO employees that will acknowledge my presence. I started in on my rant, but he stopped me before I could finish. “F-ing Trobek”, he said. He also admitted that he raised a bit of hell about the situation. I couldn't’ be more pleased.

On to the topic of the day. As many of you know, I’m baffled that people believe that we need to replace the Arena with a 14,000 seat event center. This “if we build it, they will come” mentality is not realistic, and none of our sports teams needs extra seats. In fact, I’m pretty surprised that they’re in favor of this idea. It’s actually better for them to have a thousand or so empty seats in a 7,000 seat building than 8,000 empty seats.

I’m not here today to debate this issue, however. What I am going to bitch about, however, is the antics of the task force that’s supposedly investigating the needs of our city, and potential locations.

I’ve heard it said by more than one person that the whole process seems to be a farce. This task force seems to be commissioned with a decision already rendered. Time after time in the past few weeks I have encountered people asking me when the question changed from “if” to “when”. C’mon, it was “when” the entire time.

With the decision already made, and an architect, Jeff Hazard, already hired, the only job this task force has is to find a location. We’ll get to that in a second. First, I must bitch about the hiring, and any other involvement, of Mr. Hazard, who I kicked out of town a couple of years ago.

This is a man who embodies the concept of enriching himself off of the public coffers. In fact, one could say that he’s the Dick Cheney of Sioux Falls. Somehow, he always seems to have his hands on any public-financed facility. Remember, he was the moron who designed the swaying balconies of the Pavilion. He’s one of the prime offenders behind the ill-fated State Theatre project. And, most importantly for today’s rant, he’s also reportedly bought up a lot of prime land in the northern downtown area. I think it’s obvious where he would like to see an events center.

Which brings us back to the task force. After narrowing it down to a handful of locations, including a couple that actually made sense, the task force narrowed the potential spot to two locations - Howard Wood Field and in the Phillips to the Falls area.

Their idea for Howard Wood Field would be to tear down the existing field and relocate it somewhere else. What’s interesting is that the task force didn’t think it was necessary to talk to the School Board, which actually owns the football stadium. Of course, their plan doesn’t include the cost of rebuilding Howard Wood. After all, that’s the school district’s problem.

And then we have Phillips to the Falls. Now, I am not a naysayer when it comes to rebuilding downtown. Although there is still a lack of really cool shops, I think our city has done a great job in recent years in making downtown worth visiting. And I really hope that Phillips to the Falls turns out to be a really cool area...although I have a sinking feeling that they’ll ultimately make it way too tourist-y to be cool.

I do understand the desire for having an events center downtown. I really do. It would be the centerpiece of the entire project. But it’s also the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.

It makes absolutely no sense, and the majority of people that I encounter wholeheartedly agree. How would a person get in or out of there? Where would people park? How long would the traffic jam extend?

I’ve heard the morons talk about the thousands of parking spots downtown, or the number of different streets that one could take. But have these people ever driven downtown. Most of the streets are two-lane, and there’s a stoplight on every corner. As for parking, I can’t wait until a January event when it’s twenty below and you have to walk a few blocks for your vehicle. (Well, we all know what will happen. Just like what happened with the Pavilion, a piece of property will be secretly purchased and a ramp will mysteriously appear.)

The task force will simply not listen to reason concerning the negative aspects of either choice; especially the downtown site. They love to point to other cities that have downtown event centers.

Leading this mantra is co-chair Linda Barker, whose remarkably moronic quotes makes her the obvious choice for this week’s victim. Weeks ago, she remarked that nobody has ever uttered a negative comment about the need for this facility. BS.

She also knows absolutely nothing about concerts - especially how they’re booked. I’ve heard her on local talk shows repeating the mayor’s claims that a bigger facility will lead to lower ticket prices. It doesn’t work that way.

But the comments that really made me laugh were in the Argus a few days ago. Once again babbling about the buildings in other cities, she pointed to Omaha and Council Bluffs as proof. Council Bluffs has a building in the outskirts of town, and it’s not doing well. Omaha’s is downtown, and it’s a huge success.

Well, Council Bluffs is a dump and is always way behind Omaha. It’s a poor city that’s been devastated by the gambling industry. Omaha has always been a hipper and more prosperous city, and always will.

Most importantly, Omaha’s facility is surrounded by two major highways, along with multi-lane downtown streets. Dodge Street is one of those roads, and works because of a flexible schedule that changes the number of usable lanes by the demand of the time of day.

Although Mrs. Barker seems to be blind to anything that counters her desires, Omaha is pretty typical of thriving downtowns. In Fargo, the interstate is less than a mile away from the Fargodome. Sioux City has an interstate that cuts right through it. And both the Metrodome and Target Center are surrounded by interstates. Can you imagine what it would be like to visit the Metronome without 94, 494, and 35W? It would be a nightmare, which is exactly what we will see in Sioux Falls is Mrs. Barker and her ilk have their way.



(July 28) Before I started composing this rant, I spent quite a few hours internally debating whether I should even chat about the upcoming topic, or whether the people I’m about to describe should get the boot. There are certain subjects that should not be debated, as it’s extremely unlikely that you’re going to change any opinions.

For example, fans of the Vikings and the Packers should never argue about whose right, as it’s just going to culminate in hurt feelings. Same with Cubs and White Sox fans, or Democrats and Republicans. David Lee Roth versus Sammy Hagar. Jessica versus Ashley.

By far, the arguement that should always be avoided is the dreaded abortion debate. Both sides of the issue feature people who are way too emotionally attached to the topic...well, actually, it’s mainly one side that goes overboard with the rhetoric. To these people, abortion is the only political debate. They live and breath this controversy, devoting their entire life to pushing their agenda. They latch onto any politician who shares their viewpoint, no matter how big of a wackjob they are otherwise. If a modern day Adolf Hitler came out as pro-life, they’d still vote for him.

The main reason I try to stay out of the debate is that it’s too complex of a subject to have a cut and dry answer. When exactly does life begin? If you say conception, then you should almost go back a step or two and proclaim each drop of sperm and every egg as life. If that’s the case, then any form of birth control is abortion. Quick, dispose of that condom before the activists discover that you’ve wasted some more sperm. Plus, that means I’m a killer everytime I watch a Jenna Jameson DVD.

If it’s not conception, when do these cells constitute a human being? There’s arguements for every single stage of pregnancy. Yeah, I know that the pro-life crowd has these photos that supposedly “prove” that they’re fully formed within hours of conception, but to me that’s about as accurate as the reflection from the sun that resembles Jesus...like anybody really knows what he looked like.

Again, I’m not here to debate this issue. I have my opinion, but I do respect the opinions of those that don’t agree with me. So please don’t fill my inbox with hate mail telling me that I’m going straight to hell. I think I crossed that threshold decades ago.

But I do have a problem with people that go overboard in their obsession. Those people who open “counseling clinics” with a hidden agenda should be next to me in line to meet Satan. I think those people who focus on only one aspect of Planned Parenthood’s operations should be burned at the stake. And I think that every person who preaches about the topic should be ordered to adopt a baby - preferably one from a low-income family of color with some sort of handicap. Put your money where your mouth is.

I suppose at this point you’re wondering who I’m kicking out of town. Actually, I’m giving the boot to people who don’t even live in Hudsonland. People who force their opinions on others who don’t even share the same license plate.

This past Monday, my mother stopped at one of our restaurants to help over the noon rush. This particular store is located a quarter block from the busiest intersection in the entire state, and this particular day was pretty typical. Traffic was backed up for at least a couple of blocks, and entering and exiting our business required a bit of patience.

Suddenly, the entire store was jolted by the sounds of horns. Everybody who looked inside was treated to the graphic images of what was portrayed as an aborted fetus. Over the course of the next hour, this truck (actually two trucks) passed by a number of times, and was accompanied by an airplane flying overhead that displayed a banner similar to the design on the truck.

It turns out that this publicity-obsessed demonstration was actually from Southern California, as part of what’s called the Key States Initiative by the Center for Bio-Ethical Reform. Monday’s demonstration was just the beginning of a weeklong media blitz that at one point was babbling away at one of KRRO’s sister stations Monday afternoon.

I should have known that this group wasn’t from South Dakota. If you ever see an anti-abortion demonstration, it’s usually populated by people with license plates from Iowa, Minnesota, and Nebraska. Sure, there’s usually a few South Dakotans involved, but way too often they’re the minority. It’s those idiot Iowegians that block the entrances to parking lots, or rudely attempt to use the restroom in my office.

It’s time for these mostly white middle-aged zealots to stay in Hicksville. How would they like it if I paraded down their streets with semi’s advertising some of my crazy beliefs? I could have a loudspeaker shouting “F the FCC” with a convoy of Howard Stern fans. Or maybe I could paint the Vivid Video girls on a truck and proclaim my belief that everybody should own porn. As Beavis would say, “yeah yeah, that’s not a bad idea, Butthead”.

(July 21) Before we begin, a bit of a history lesson. You guys might not realize that the company that owns this radio station was also in the movie theater business. In fact, there was a time that Midco had a monopoly on movies in this city. They owned theaters in both of our malls, along with the State Theater just a few blocks from this building. The theaters in the Empire Mall were eventually moved across the street to the Empire East.

Then came the announcement that a national company, Carmike Theaters, was coming to town. They built what seemed to be a fancy building on the west side of the interstate on 41st Street, and there were rumors flying that this chain was going to treat us to the kind of fare that Midco never hosted – namely critically acclaimed indie flicks.

Of course, that never happened. I don’t recall exactly what happened, but it seems to me that Midco eventually sold their theaters to Carmike, which now held monopoly power in Sioux Falls. With no competition, Carmike quickly became a joke. Their popcorn was awful, the movies were rarely shown on time, and it wasn’t a rare occurrence when a projector or two would break down.

People cheered when news came down that Century was coming to town. Again, there were the hopeful rumors that this new company was going to devote at least one screen to lesser-known fare. Well, that didn’t happen, which was really no surprise, but to this day I’m relatively impressed with how they do business. I now make a point to not visit Carmike.

Unfortunately, in the last few months I have been forced to give this company a few of my dollars. The first instance was this past April when my son and I made a last minute decision to see Starsky and Hutch. We walked into the building without incident, but since we had not eaten that evening we needed some pop and munchies. Despite the fact that this was a busy Saturday night, there was only one young kid working the concessions. Needless to say, there was quite a line.

Actually, there were two lines, as he was so busy he didn’t have time to put a “this register closed” sign near one of the registers. I have to give this kid credit; he was trying his hardest to keep up, but it was virtually impossible to handle two lines of customers at one time.

Finally, we purchased our popcorn, candy, and pop, and started to head into the movie. But it wasn’t being seated yet, even though it was now the exact time it was supposed to begin. Not that there was any way of knowing this, as I guess we were supposed to figure this out by osmosis. At least while we were waiting we got to hear the phrase “now seating The Passion of the Christ and Hellboy”.

The rest of the evening passed without incident, except for popcorn that tasted like it was popped three weeks earlier, and soda that had maybe a splash of syrup. A couple of weeks ago, though, I was forced to visit this theater one more time. For some reason, Century didn’t book Anchorman, which my son and I had to see for three reasons:

1. Will Ferrell.

2. Christina Applegate.

3. Any movie that makes fun of local tv news is alright for me.

Once again we decide to go on a Saturday evening. When we entered the parking lot, I knew this was going to be a nightmare. The parking lot was only a third full, but there was a line at least 20 feet into the lot. Was everybody going to the same movie?

No, it was typical Carmike staffing and scheduling. As usual, not only had this theater booked almost all of their movies to start within a few minutes of each other, they also had one cashier manning the booth. But at least they had two people working concessions.

So we make our way to our seats, and the lights dim. We get a commercial. Ok, that’s become a minor irritation but one that doesn’t bother me anymore. Then we get another…and another…and another. In fact, they showed nine commercials…the exact same commercials that airs on television. Actually, one was even a commercial for a television show. Come on! One of the reasons I enjoy going out to a movie is to avoid ads for soda, video games, and fast food.

Finally, we get to the previews, and finally the movie itself. I must say, the next 90 minutes went by without incident, until our movie let out at the exact same moment as a couple of others.

Obviously, this week’s victim is the Carmike Theaters. It’s time for those morons to demolish that outdated building, or let that guy who runs the second run theater take over. Maybe then we’d finally get that independent theater that everybody keeps promising us.

Before I go, however, I must throw out a mini-rant against my buddies across the street. I’m not going to make fun of the mayor, and I hope that he does fully recover from his heart condition, but I was appalled at the way KELO handled the story yesterday. Besides their penchant for overkill with story after story, one of the stories featured a reporter standing in the street outside their building (is that the infamous KELO Avenue?). Talking about the mayor’s daily walks, she bragged about how the mayor enjoyed walking from his office to the KELO studios. The camera then swung away from the reporter to the KELO logo. Yes, it’s all about them, isn’t it?

Maybe, just maybe, things will improve in the next few months. One the same broadcast, KELO announced that my arch nemesis, General Manager Mark Antonitis, is moving on out. He’s headed to San Francisco to run KRON. Good riddance, and don’t let the door hit you on your ass on your way out of town.

(June 16) I struggled this week to come up with somebody or some thing to kick out of town. It has, after all, been a pretty good week. My Get Out of Town t-shirts came in (available at www.ScottHudson.20m.com); I just spent close to a month with my son; and this month has seen new albums by many of my favorites, including Wilco, PJ Harvey, Bad Religion, and the Cure.

Let’s face it; despite my little weekly segment on this station, I’m generally a mild-mannered, polite, positive person. Ok, that’s wrong. I’m what Nirvana would call a “Negative Creep”; a sarcastic, pompous, hipper-than-thou bastard. Oh well. Deal with it.

But I really don’t have a major person or topic to whine about today. So instead I’m going to list a number of things that I detest; things that I believe many people will absolutely agree are horrible minor things that we have to deal with on a daily basis.

For example, I hate those stupid cards that fall out of every magazine. Hey, I have already subscribed – why do I need a half dozen more opportunities to subscribe? Even worse are those ads that are printed on heavier paper than the rest of the magazine. Try reading a magazine in the bathroom with those things turning your pages for you.

Now is there a single person in the world who actually enjoys those things? I think not. Here’s some other things I absolutely detest:

I hate that “Let’s Get It Started” ad campaign for the NBA. Actually, I sort of liked it at first…like maybe the first hundred times I saw it. ABC can’t go two minutes without showing it, and sometimes twice in the same commercial break.

I hate any dating show that doesn’t revolve around T&A. Why would anybody watch these sort of shows if there isn’t some hot body falling out of her top or showing a bit too much leg. And I really hate the fact that Elimidate has re-edited their shows to block girl-on-girl action. What’s the point of the show without slutty people acting slutty?

This is one of many reasons that I really hate the FCC. They’ve become nothing more than shills for Clear Channel, and if they’re not stopped they’re going to kill free speech in this country.

I hate Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, People, Star, E!, VH1, and any other celebrity-oriented magazine or television station. I really don’t care that J-Ho has married that greaseball pseudo-Latin singer, or the silly names that Courtney Cox and Gwenyth Paltrow have given to their soon-to-be overly-pampered offspring.

I hate Star Jones. I hate Dr. Phil. I think that Oprah is Satan in disguise.

I hate any commercial that uses “Walking On Sunshine”, “Who Let the Dogs Out”, or any other song that was awful the first time around.

I hate “team coverage” on any local news program. I also hate any five o’clock newscast that does little more than promote what’s on at six or ten. I hate when newspeople who once considered themselves serious journalists suddenly get wacky.

I hate when I get the same spam message on the same day from a dozen different fake names and with a dozen different topic headings. I hate pop-ups and any spyware that automatically downloads programs onto my computer.

I hate spam faxes. I didn’t even know they existed until a few weeks ago when my office fax machine ran out of ink thanks to those free vacation offers.

I hate Punk’d, Faking the Video, Boiling Points, Cribs, and almost any other non-music MTV show. I also hate 90% of the songs played during that 1% of music programming on MTV. Furthermore, I hate pre-awards shows where people named Sway and Shui Ann (or something like that) do nothing more than brag about how “wild and crazy” their boring show is going to be.

I hate when MTV gives an award to Lindsay Lohan instead of talented beauties such as Scarlett Johansen, particularly when Ms. Johansen is wearing a skirt that barely covers her ass.

I hate the fact that people with the loudest car stereos also have the worst taste in music. I hate the invention of booming subwoofers for cars.

I hate all cable news channels. There’s no longer news on these shows; it’s just people screaming the same clichés over and over.

I really really hate John Aschcroft. He’s the epitome of evil; a man who doesn’t care about any rights except for the right to own guns.

I hate the fact that I wasn’t able to get mail last Friday…I had to wait another 24 hours for the official release of the Paris Hilton DVD.

I hate that woman whose entire career is appearing on Larry King to proclaim Scott Peterson guilty. I hope that he didn’t do it for one reason - so she’ll have to disappear back to hosting Court Television specials on DNA evidence.

I hate when any drop of precipitation is called a storm. I also hate it when weather coverage has a sponsor.

I hate that it seems like every major street in this town is under construction, and too often you have no advance warning until you encounter the detour.

I hate these fancy stoplights that seem to give every direction their very own special green light…except for the lane that you’re in. There’s nothing more frustrating than having to wait through multiple green arrows for streets that have no cars.

Finally, I really hate how the sensitivity police have taken over this country. Jimmy Kimmel makes a dumb joke about Detroit and the show is almost cancelled. Morrissey criticizes President Bush and people have a fit. Lighten up, people. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is above criticism or bad humor. Who really cares about the opinion of a dumb celebrity, or an amateur local radio provocateur? Wait, amateur radio commentators have a lot to say…and a really cool t-shirt to hawk.

(June 9) During last week’s highly rated episode of Get Out of Town, I promised that the month of June would feature a huge purge of people that annoy everybody. Part one of this series highlighted (or should I say lowlighted?) the morons who ruin our movie experiences.

This week, I’m a bit torn. There’s other topics that I could rant on, such as the rewritten history of Ronald Reagan that has been broadcast 24/7 on all cable news channels since his death this past Saturday. I’m not saying that he wasn’t a good man, but, like all politicians, he had his faults and mistakes...in his case I’d have to say that any biography would have to include record deficits, junk-bond scandals, and the whole Iran-Contra episode.

On the good side, there are two facets of the man that couldn’t be highlighted enough. He was a man who despite differences of political opinion could still maintain relationships with his opponents. He reportedly had weekly lunches with House Speaker Tip O’Neill; an act that would be unthinkable in today’s political climate.

And he also, for the most part, accepted responsibility for his actions. When the Iran-Contra scandal heated up, Reagan gave a speech where he admitted that it happened on his watch, that it was a mistake, and that anything that occurs under his watch is his responsibility. Both sides of the political spectrum could learn from that twelve minute speech.

But I’m not here today to talk about Reagan...and I’m also not here today to complain about the Los Angeles Lakers. I could, though. I used to be a huge Lakers fan; as a kid I loved Wilt Chamberlain and I rooted for Kareem to kill the Celtics. I wasn’t a Magic Johnson fan but I did like most of his teammates.

Those days are long gone. They